I was washing the dishes just now wondering if there was an anniversary that I was forgetting.

My Kitty died in the late fall/early winter season, as did Cleo. Neither my father’s (nor mother’s) birth or death dates were summer dates. And then I remembered: Goldy. And I dug around in a chest of drawers hoping to find the exact date and saw the card my sister in law had sent me at the time. So thoughtful. The front of the card said my cat was lucky to have me. I thought to myself: no, I was lucky to have them. It was luck, my honor, my pleasure, to be their other mother. It was the best part of the previous two decades. Is this my Sun opposite Pluto transit? Pluto is always a death. Sun in Cancer is always a memory. 

So I’m rewatching Game of Thrones and listening to Anna Karenina on audiobook and it’s been a few weeks since I’ve lifted my eyes to a psychoanalytic paper although my personal analysis continues and I think about how I feel about him in between the days we speak is so different than the days we actually do speak. And that’s another death. The death of… who I was before psychoanalysis. Truly. And, in a way, it makes life harder now. I’m less, well, defended. I have more emotions more often. And I’ve started writing a new book and… what the hell that will be like I do not know.

I feel like a doll who has been cut open and I just want to put the stuffing back in. Not that he is pulling out my stuffing. In fact, he is careful not to. But it happens anyway. It makes me feel lucky, lucky to be alive, but darkly, in a Sun opposite Pluto kind of way. 

But about this weekend: we can take our minds off of Mars Saturn and Sun Pluto and instead turn our hearts to Leo Season and Venus starting her retrograde in Leo.

What does it all mean?

It will be an introspective summer to be sure. Maybe you’ve got travel plans of a glamorous sort, and I’m not telling you that the retrograde will disrupt all that. And yet. Venus retrograde. Venus square Uranus. That doesn’t sound like things going as planned now does it? There may be a surprise or two along the way.

To be continued…
xo

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