That if you really want it or love it, it’ll get taken from you. It’s a lesson from childhood so you repeat it, and it’s a lesson from everyone’s childhood. So then what happens is you devalue it, destroy it. Better them than you, right? And better to see this repetition and intervene somehow and yes, dear star lovers, that’s what eclipses are for.

New Moon or Full Moon, all astronomy aside and just working with the metaphors here, eclipses are big shining lights, the biggest. They show us what matters. And this is why I love psychoanalysis so much. It brings a deeper understand of the mind (and the spirit) and I love the way astrology is a map.

I got caught in the rain today because it rained all day. It wasn’t such a heavy rain but it was a steady rain and I went to the library to work on a paper for school and I have a draft now and the world is… not doing so well and I thought to myself okay I will escape into this. I will escape into my reading and writing for school and into astrology, like burrowing into a hole in the earth, and even though I feel a little confused these days, creatively, I will keep up with all the individual lives (clients, students, Patrons) that I’ve been tasked to keep up with, and that’s it. The hate and the violence is beyond what I can understand in real time. There’s a part of the cavity of my body, the torso, where my chakras used to be. I mean that sincerely. My solar plexus and sacral feel… empty. That’s where I feel it.

Say a prayer for April? One eclipse, one Mars Saturn, one Jupiter Uranus, Mercury Retrograde and I’m probably forgetting something. Aries Season.

So what to do about the repetition, though, this tendency you have to intricately undo the things, the paths, the dreams, the people, the life you want the most. I know no other way but to examine it and then examine it again and deeper and so fearlessly, routinely, little by little. It needs to be a regular thing. My paper for school is a little bit about this — the life drive and the death drive (ideas of Sigmund Freud) and their fusion and their defusion and how intricately woven it all is and how for some of us it is a fight to stay alive and that fight can be quite literal or strands and strands and strands of metaphorical displaced manifestations (or both!, usually both). I wish the eclipse and the other transits would POOF make a miracle but the astrology only gets us so far.

I always think of that Richard Hugo poem though, the one that ends: and her red hair lights the wall. I’m always quoting it as a symbol of hope in the darkest places, hope in a broken world, like a postcard, a novel. Remember the sweet things? Remember when we had those? Maybe? Postcards, novels. I keep giving myself, offering myself an out, but the more time I spend at school the more it feels like… I’ll continue the deep work I’ve always done just in this new context. Maybe I won’t quit. Maybe the life drive will win.

New Moon eclipse in Aries. That’s what’s coming. It really is a new you. It really is something different. You really are magic. I can’t promise you an un-broken world, unfortunately, but I do know I’ll keep sending you these letters. Black Fist Moon. Fire Warrior Moon. Moon of Courage, Moon of Fireworks, Fire-words, Pioneer. There is HOPE in this New Moon eclipse. Really.

Dare I draw a card for this moment? Okay maybe just one. Got the High Priestess. Looks like  we’re among the subtleties. Watch and wait, dear star lovers.

Until next time. Keep passing the open windows,
xo