That everything is painful and you feel like it shouldn’t be so you fight against it and then it only hurts more. And it keeps on hurting until you learn this truth. That life IS painful. And there doesn’t come a time without pain, regret, loss. No matter what the cereal box tells us.
My sister has a kind of equanimity I never will. She might ask, might reflect, who is the “I” that is feeling these things or thinking these things. My friend Lyone is like this too. Buddhist to the core. As for me? A triple Cancer squared by Jupiter? I feel. And I take things personally. I am I. I am feeling. I am doing. I am knowing. And I know that God exists (wait. Maybe. Not sure. I am Jewish to the core no matter what else I am and we wrestle with God) and fate exists and I love the Buddha almost as must as I love sex and french fries. A lot a lot a lot (although avoiding french fries these days).
And the only reason I’m blogging now instead of talking to you on the pod is because I have to update my phone to the latest operating system and the app won’t work. Maybe this is a good thing. Maybe I need to talk to you more, here.
Some of you are under hard Pluto transits. Some of you are under Saturn or Chiron. Some of you got smashed to pieces by those Gemini/Sagitarius eclipses and Nodes. It happens. It always happens. It doesn’t stop happening. In my own life, those eclipses and Nodes certainly made me FEEL smashed to pieces although I’m writing to you now, obviously. There was so much I wanted, so much I hoped for. Alas.
So. This is my starting point. What’s the upside to right now? Is there an upside to the transit of the moment, the Venus Pluto conjunction in Capricorn, with Venus fixing to go retrograde on Sunday? What can we glean from this transit, with its horns and its scales and spiny brittle places. Healing love is what I said to folks on an Instagram Live last night. Healing Love. Highest vibration of Pluto truly is transformative and healing and not just exposing you, embarrassing you, making you reckon with your shadow side, your ugliness (although Pluto is that too). Pluto exposes and embarrasses to get to the intimacy, to get to the nectar.
On Shabbos, I visited an old friend. One of my favorite people on the planet. She has, dare I say it, a pure heart, deeply spiritual, and one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. Deeply genuinely caring about other humans. It was such a delight to sit with her (and her family) and eat with her and pray with her (I followed her to shul in the late afternoon before the end of the Sabbath but left before Havadalah).
Venus is still LOVE no matter who sits beside her. Okay so Pluto is beside her now and she will go retrograde and do her Big Love Review and Venus feels… not unappreciated but like she has to fight for love, fight to the end, to the death. She has to work for it. She has to deserve it. She has to make it happen otherwise it won’t happen. And she will seduce and open up her bag of tricks and another bag of tricks and another. And that if she’s not fighting, striving then something must be wrong. And she’s fighting in these cold, underhanded ways right now. It doesn’t have to be that way though. Capricorn demands authenticity. Be real. You can demand that of yourself and rise above, yes rise above all the voices in your head that are telling you not to love. My recommendation is to look for it, look for the love. It’s out there for you too.
xo
